Parent Teacher Conferences

Tell me they’re wonderful,and tell me it’s because of how I mother them.

Tell me my cooking is making them smart and healthy, and that my yelling, my rushing here and there, and my occasional inattention haven’t affected them at all.

Tell me how bright and charming they are. (Please provide a few examples of such behavior).

Tell me how when I leave them at the door, your face lights up upon their entry.

Tell me that you can predict their happiness with themselves and their success in life, and that it is off the charts in both regards.

Tell me that you have had only one other child that was as bright and thoughtful as my child, and that that other child went on to be a doctor that helps orphaned babies in third world countries. You know this because that child comes home to check on his mother every four weeks and she told you so.

Tell me that I am a really good mother.

Oh, I’m sorry… we only have 15 minutes and this isn’t about me…. Right.

As you were saying then….